Texting and phone etiquette: calls, texts, group chats and phones in public

Phones are close to universal. According to Pew Research Center, 98% of U.S. adults own a cellphone and 91% own a smartphone. That makes phone etiquette less about the device and more about attention: who gets it, when, and how much of it.

Americans have been clear about where they think phones belong. In Pew’s survey on mobile etiquette, 77% said using a phone while walking down the street is generally OK, and 75% said the same about public transit — but only 38% approved in restaurants and just 5% in meetings. Meanwhile, 89% of phone owners had used their phone during their most recent social gathering, and 82% said doing so at least occasionally hurt the conversation. We know the rule; we just don’t always follow it.

Call or text?

Preferences vary by age and relationship, and they have shifted over time. When Pew last asked texters directly, in 2011, 31% preferred texting and 53% preferred a call, while young adults aged 18–24 sent a median of 50 texts a day. Habits have moved further toward text since then, which is why many people now treat an unannounced call as an interruption. A good rule is to choose the channel that suits the message.

Texting etiquette

• Mind the clock. Avoid non-urgent texts late at night or early in the morning unless you know the person keeps notifications silenced.
• Identify yourself when texting someone for the first time: “Hi, it’s Dev from the book club.”
• Send complete thoughts instead of a stream of fragments that buzz six times.
• Don’t break bad news by text when a call or conversation is possible.
• Reread before sending — autocorrect and tone are both risky.
• Reply to direct questions, even briefly. Leaving a question on “read” can feel like a snub.
• Be careful with links. Don’t forward suspicious messages to friends, and learn how to spot a scam text before you tap; protecting your contacts is a courtesy too.

Tone, punctuation and emoji

Text strips out voice, so small choices carry weight. A lone “K.” can read as annoyance; a period at the end of a short reply can feel clipped to some readers. If a message might be misread, add a word of warmth (“Sounds good, thanks!”) rather than leaving it terse. Emojis are fine where they’re part of the relationship; in professional texts, use them sparingly.

Group chats

Group chats are where texting etiquette is most tested. A few habits keep them pleasant:

Phones in public

Many Americans feel public manners have slipped. In Pew’s late-2024 survey, 47% said people behave more rudely in public than before the pandemic. Phones aren’t the only reason, but they’re a visible one. The basics:

• No speakerphone or video calls in shared spaces — trains, buses, waiting rooms, cafés. Use headphones or wait.
• Keep your voice low on calls in public. People naturally speak louder on the phone than in person.
• Silence your ringer in theaters, places of worship, classes, libraries and medical offices.
• Finish your transaction first. End the call before you reach the cashier, barista or pharmacist; give them your full attention.
• Watch where you walk. Step aside to read or type rather than stopping in a doorway or on an escalator.
• Ask before photographing people, especially children and service workers.

Phubbing: snubbing people for your phone

“Phubbing” — phone snubbing — means paying attention to your phone instead of the person you’re with. It is one of the most common modern complaints, and it’s easy to do without noticing: a glance at a notification mid-sentence, a scroll while someone tells a story.

• Put the phone away, not just face down, during meals and serious conversations. Even a visible phone signals divided attention.
• Announce exceptions. “I’m waiting on a call from the babysitter, so I may need to check” turns a slight into a reasonable courtesy.
• Look things up together, not alone. If you settle a debate on your phone, show the result and put it down.
• Agree on house rules with family or partners, like no phones at the table. Our table manners guide has more.

Voicemail and voice notes

If you call and someone doesn’t answer, a short follow-up text (“Called about Saturday, no rush, text is fine”) is often more useful than a voicemail. If you do leave one, say your name, number and reason within 20 seconds. Voice notes are welcome with people who like them; keep them brief, and put any details people may need later in writing.

Phone calls at work