Social media is now ordinary social life. Pew Research Center’s fact sheet shows YouTube and Facebook as the most widely used platforms in the U.S., and big generational differences elsewhere: 79% of adults under 30 use Instagram compared with 21% of those 65 and older, and 65% of under-30s use TikTok versus 11% of seniors. Different platforms, different norms — but a few principles apply everywhere.
The stakes are real. Pew found that 41% of Americans had experienced online harassment and 25% had experienced more severe forms, up from 15% in 2014. Among adults under 30, 64% had been harassed. And in the 2019 Civility in America survey, 63% said social media has had a more negative than positive effect on civility. Being a considerate presence online is not a small thing.
Before you post
A post can be screenshotted, shared and searched long after you’ve forgotten it. A quick pause before posting avoids most regrets.
- Would you say it to the person’s face? If not, don’t post it about them.
- Is it yours to share? Other people’s news — engagements, pregnancies, diagnoses, deaths — belongs to them to announce first.
- Who can see it? Check your audience settings, especially for posts about work, family or location.
- Is it true? Check before you share alarming stories, and correct yourself publicly if you shared something false.
- Are you angry? Wait an hour. Most heated posts look different later.
Photos and tagging
Photos are where most social media friction starts. Some people are happy to be tagged in anything; others have good reasons — work, safety, family situations — for keeping a low profile.
| Situation | Courteous default |
|---|---|
| Group photo at a party | Ask the group before posting; untag anyone who asks |
| Unflattering photo of a friend | Don’t post it, or ask first |
| Other people’s children | Always ask the parents first |
| Your own children | Consider their future privacy; skip location and school details |
| Weddings | Follow the couple’s wishes; some ask guests to wait or not post |
| Funerals | Don’t post photos unless the family invites it |
| Strangers or service workers | Don’t film or post people for mockery |
| Someone’s home | Ask before sharing images that reveal the address or interior |
Commenting and replying
Do
- Congratulate, encourage and thank generously
- Respond to the idea, not the person
- Ask questions before assuming bad intent
- Move personal conversations to private messages
- Credit creators when you share their work
Don’t
- Leave unsolicited criticism of someone’s appearance, body or parenting
- “Reply guy” strangers with corrections they didn’t ask for
- Pile on someone already being criticized
- Use someone’s grief post to share your own story at length
- Post private messages publicly without consent
Disagreeing without being disagreeable
Online, disagreement easily turns into performance for an audience. If you want to change a mind rather than win a point, it helps to treat the other person as you would in a conversation at a dinner table.
- Steelman first. Summarize the other view fairly before answering it.
- Use “I” statements about your experience rather than declarations about theirs.
- Know when to stop. After two exchanges, you rarely gain anything by continuing in public.
- Go private. A direct message — “I disagreed with your post, but I respect you; can I explain why?” — is far more likely to land.
- Don’t argue with family in public comments. Call them instead.
Privacy is a courtesy
Respecting privacy online includes your own data and other people’s. Before you install a new photo, messaging or contacts-syncing app, it’s worth checking what it does with your address book — because that data is about your friends, not just you. All Things AI’s guide on how to tell if an app is selling your data explains how to read App Store privacy labels and Google Play data safety sections.
- Don’t share other people’s phone numbers, addresses or schedules.
- Avoid tagging precise locations for others while they’re still there.
- Think twice before uploading your contacts to a new app.
- Don’t forward chain messages or unverified warnings.
Unfollowing, muting and blocking
You owe no one your feed. Muting is the gentlest option: the person isn’t notified and nothing changes on their end. Unfollowing or unfriending is acceptable when a connection no longer fits your life; there’s no need to announce it. Blocking is the right tool for harassment, persistent hostility, or protecting your peace — it’s not rude to protect yourself.
If someone asks why you unfollowed, honesty with kindness works: “I’ve been cutting back on politics online — it’s nothing personal.”
Grief, illness and big news
Major life news is the area where social media etiquette matters most. Let the people at the center share first. Comment with simple warmth (“Thinking of you and your family”), and reach out privately if you’re close. Our condolence etiquette guide has wording for sympathy messages.
Asking someone to take down a photo
Hey Lou, I loved Saturday! Would you mind taking down the photo of me on the porch? I keep my face off social media for work. Thanks so much.
Responding to a mistake you posted
Correction: the article I shared earlier turned out to be inaccurate. I’ve removed it. Thanks to those who flagged it.
For a broader look at whether manners are really getting worse, read our report on the state of civility.
Frequently asked questions
Should I ask before posting a photo of someone?
Yes, especially for unflattering photos, photos taken at private events, and any photo of other people's children. A quick "OK if I post this?" takes seconds and avoids hurt feelings.
Is it rude to unfollow or unfriend someone?
No. Muting or unfollowing quietly is usually kinder than an announcement. Reserve blocking for harassment or when you need distance for your own wellbeing.
How should I disagree with someone online?
Respond to the idea, not the person; ask a genuine question; and consider moving the conversation to a private message. If it becomes heated, it's perfectly polite to stop replying.
Is it OK to announce a death on social media?
Leave the first announcement to the immediate family. Once they've shared the news publicly, a kind comment or message is appropriate.
What should I do if someone harasses me online?
Don't engage. Document the messages with screenshots, use the platform's block and report tools, and tell someone you trust. If there are threats, contact the police.
Sources
- Pew Research Center — Social Media Fact Sheet (2026)
- Pew Research Center — The State of Online Harassment (2021)
- Weber Shandwick, Powell Tate & KRC Research — Civility in America 2019 (PDF)
Statistics are quoted from the linked publishers as of October 2026. See our methodology.