RSVP stands for répondez s’il vous plaît — “please reply.” It’s a simple request, but anyone who has hosted a party knows how often it goes unanswered. Hosts need numbers to buy food, set tables, book venues and plan seating. A prompt reply, either way, is a small gift to the person who invited you.
The golden rules of replying
- Reply quickly. The Emily Post Institute advises replying within a day or two of receiving an invitation, and by the RSVP deadline at the latest.
- Reply either way. Unless the invitation says “regrets only,” the host needs your no as much as your yes.
- Reply the way you were asked. Use the response card, website, e-vite or phone number provided.
- Reply only for those invited. The names on the invitation are the guest list.
- Keep your word. A yes is a commitment the host is planning around.
How to RSVP, by invitation type
| Invitation says or includes | How to reply |
|---|---|
| A response card | Fill it in and mail it back in the envelope provided, before the deadline. |
| “RSVP” with an address but no card | Send a short handwritten reply to the host at the return address. |
| “RSVP” with a phone number | Call and speak to the host, rather than relying only on voicemail. |
| An e-mail invitation | Reply to the e-mail. |
| An e-vite or wedding website | Use the site’s RSVP button. If you choose “maybe,” follow up with a firm answer. |
| A text or group chat | Reply directly to the host, not only in the group thread, so your answer doesn’t get lost. |
| “Regrets only” | Reply only if you can’t attend. Silence means yes. |
| No reply requested | A quick note or call letting the host know your plans is still courteous. |
These methods follow the Emily Post Institute’s guidance on how to RSVP, including its reminder that if you pick “maybe” on an e-vite, you should come back with a final answer.
Sample wording
Accepting
“Thank you so much for the invitation — Alex and I would be delighted to come to dinner on Saturday the 14th. Is there anything we can bring?”
Declining
“Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m so sorry I can’t make it on the 14th — I’ll be out of town that weekend. I hope it’s a wonderful evening, and I’d love to catch up soon.”
Accepting with a dietary note
“We’d love to come, thank you! Just so you know, I’m vegetarian — please don’t make anything special; I’ll happily fill up on sides.”
You don’t owe a detailed reason for declining. “I have a conflict that evening” is complete and polite. Do avoid a vague reason that you then visibly contradict on social media.
Plus-ones, partners and children
The invitation tells you who is invited. Read the envelope or message carefully:
- Your name only: you alone are invited. Don’t ask to bring a date.
- Your name “and guest”: you may bring someone. Tell the host whether you will, and give their name.
- Your family’s names, or “the Kim family”: children are included. If only adults are named, they aren’t.
Emily Post’s advice on asking to add people is blunt: don’t ask. If you have a houseguest that weekend, the gracious move is to decline and explain why; the host can then offer to include your guest if they wish. For wedding-specific questions, see our wedding guest etiquette guide.
Changing your answer
Acceptable
- Changing yes to no for illness, injury, a death in the family or an unavoidable work conflict
- Changing no to yes if it won’t disrupt the host’s plans (ask first)
- Telling the host as soon as you know, by phone if it’s close to the date
Not acceptable
- Dropping out because a better invitation came along
- Simply not showing up
- Leaving a “maybe” unresolved until the day
- Turning up with someone who wasn’t invited
No-shows hurt more than hosts let on, and the problem isn’t limited to private parties. In a survey OpenTable reported in 2021, 30% of Americans said they had skipped a restaurant reservation in the past year. Whether it’s a dinner table or a friend’s living room, someone planned and paid for your seat.
Cancelling after accepting
“I’m so sorry to do this — I’ve come down with a fever and won’t be able to come tonight. I was really looking forward to it. I hope it’s a lovely evening, and I’d love to see you soon.”
For hosts: making it easy to reply
Hosts can reduce RSVP headaches with a clear invitation:
- Name exactly who is invited, including whether children or a guest are included.
- Give a specific reply-by date. Two weeks before the event is typical for larger gatherings.
- Offer one clear way to reply, such as a link, phone number or e-mail.
- Ask about allergies and dietary needs in the same message (see our guide to hosting guests with dietary restrictions).
- Keep a single list of replies. A free planner such as Confetti tracks guests, replies and to-dos in one place.
- Follow up kindly with anyone who hasn’t replied a few days before the deadline: “Just checking whether you’ll be able to join us on the 14th — no pressure either way!”
Frequently asked questions
What does RSVP stand for?
RSVP comes from the French “répondez s’il vous plaît,” meaning “please reply.” It asks you to tell the host whether you will attend, yes or no.
How soon should I RSVP?
The Emily Post Institute recommends replying within a day or two of receiving an invitation, and no later than the RSVP date if one is given.
What does “regrets only” mean?
It means you only need to reply if you cannot attend. If the host doesn’t hear from you, they will expect you to come.
Can I ask to bring a plus-one?
Generally, no. An invitation is extended to the people named on it. If the invitation says “and guest,” say in your reply whether you’re bringing someone and give their name.
Is it OK to change my RSVP from yes to no?
Only for genuine reasons, such as illness, injury, a death in the family, or an unavoidable work conflict, and you should tell the host right away, ideally by phone. Dropping out for a better offer is a serious breach of etiquette.
Sources
- Emily Post Institute — Invitation Etiquette
- Emily Post Institute — How Do I RSVP?
- Restaurant Dive — OpenTable launches initiative to combat diner no-shows (June 2021)
Statistics are quoted from the linked publishers as of October 2026. See our methodology.