Neighbors occupy an odd place in our lives: close enough to hear us, but often strangers. And they are getting more distant. In a Pew Research Center survey of 9,482 U.S. adults conducted in March 2025, only 26% said they know all or most of their neighbors, down from 31% in 2018. Most (62%) know only some, and 12% know none at all.
That matters for etiquette, because it is much easier to raise a problem, ask a favor or forgive an annoyance with someone whose name you know. Being a good neighbor starts with a hello.
We’re kinder than we expect each other to be
One of the most hopeful findings in Pew’s survey is a gap between what people would do and what they expect from others. Some 76% said they would bring in the mail for a neighbor who was away, but only 52% thought a neighbor would do the same for them. And 67% said they would bring a meal to a sick neighbor, while only 42% expected a neighbor to do that for them.
In other words, most people are more willing to help than their neighbors assume. Etiquette’s job here is simply to make the first move easier.
Introducing yourself
Whether you just moved in or someone new arrived next door, a brief introduction in the first week or two is the most valuable neighborly courtesy there is.
- Knock at a reasonable hour (late morning or early evening on a weekend works well) and keep it to a few minutes.
- Give your name, which house or unit is yours, and something friendly: “Let us know if you need a recommendation for a plumber.”
- Offer contact details if you’re comfortable. Many neighbors appreciate a phone number for emergencies, like a water leak or a lost pet.
- A small treat is lovely but optional. A note slipped under the door works too.
A welcome note
Hi! We’re Dana and Luis in the green house at number 14. Welcome to the street. If you ever need anything (a cup of sugar, a spare ladder, the name of a good electrician) just knock or text us at 555-0142. Hope you’re settling in well!
The classic friction points
| Issue | Courteous default |
|---|---|
| Noise | Keep loud music, power tools and parties within reasonable daytime hours and check your local quiet-hours rules. Give neighbors a heads-up before a party or a renovation. |
| Parking | Don’t block driveways, mailboxes or bins; avoid taking the spot in front of someone else’s house every day if street parking is tight. Ask guests to park considerately too. |
| Pets | Pick up after dogs every time, keep barking in check (especially when you’re out), and don’t let cats or dogs roam into others’ gardens. |
| Trees and fences | Talk before you trim overhanging branches or replace a shared fence. Offer to share costs for shared boundaries, and check property lines and local rules first. |
| Trash and bins | Put bins out and bring them back in on schedule; secure lids so trash doesn’t blow into a neighbor’s yard. |
| Packages | Return misdelivered parcels promptly and unopened. If you’re asked to hold a delivery, keep it safe and let your neighbor know it arrived. |
| Shared walls (apartments) | Rugs under heavy furniture, soft-close habits for doors, and headphones late at night go a long way. |
| Kids and balls | Teach children to knock and ask before retrieving a ball from a neighbor’s yard. |
How to raise a problem without starting a feud
Most neighbor disputes start small and grow because one side stews silently and then explodes, or skips the conversation and calls an authority. A calmer path:
- Assume they don’t know. People rarely realize their bass carries or their security light shines into your bedroom.
- Pick a neutral moment. Not mid-party, not when you’re furious. A weekend afternoon is better than 1 a.m.
- Be specific and suggest a fix. “Your dog barks for most of the morning after you leave. Would it help if I texted you when it happens?”
- Listen. There may be a reason (a new baby, a night-shift job) that changes the conversation.
- Follow up kindly. If things improve, say thanks. If they don’t, then consider a landlord, HOA or mediation service.
A friendly note about a problem
Hi Sam, it’s Jordan from 3B. I hope this isn’t awkward to raise: music from your place has been carrying into our bedroom late at night, usually after 11. I’m sure you didn’t realize. Would you mind keeping it down after then on weeknights? Thanks so much, and knock anytime if anything from our side bothers you.
Small ways to build goodwill
Do
- Wave and say hello, even if you don’t chat
- Offer to bring in mail or water plants when they travel
- Give advance notice of parties, construction or a moving truck
- Return borrowed tools promptly, cleaned
- Check on older or isolated neighbors during storms and heat waves
Don’t
- Post complaints about a neighbor in a community group before talking to them
- Use their trash bins, driveway or Wi-Fi without asking
- Let leaves, snow or debris from your property pile onto theirs
- Peer over fences or comment on how they keep their home
If you want to go further, a simple gathering is one of the best ways to turn a street of strangers into a neighborhood. A potluck or block party doesn’t need to be elaborate; a free planner like Confetti helps you keep track of the date, who’s bringing what and the to-do list. Our guides to hosting and cooking for guests with allergies cover the rest.
Curious why so many people feel daily life has grown less courteous? See our look at what the data says about rudeness.
Frequently asked questions
How do I complain to a neighbor about noise politely?
Talk in person, at a calm moment, not mid-party. Be specific about the noise and the time, assume they don't know, and suggest a fix: 'The bass carries into our bedroom after 11; could you turn it down after then?' Put it in a friendly note if you're not comfortable knocking.
Should I introduce myself to new neighbors?
Yes. A quick hello and your name within the first couple of weeks is a kind default, whether you're the newcomer or the longtime resident. A small treat or a note with your contact details is a bonus, not a requirement.
Is it rude to call the police or HOA about a neighbor?
For safety issues or emergencies, call immediately. For ordinary nuisances like noise, parking or trash, speak to the neighbor first; going straight to an authority tends to escalate a fixable problem into a lasting grudge.
What should I do with a neighbor's misdelivered package?
Bring it over promptly, or leave a note saying you have it if they're out. Don't open it, and don't leave it exposed on their porch if theft is common in your area.
Sources
Statistics are quoted from the linked publishers as of October 2026. See our methodology.