Airplane etiquette: how to be a good seatmate

Air travel puts strangers closer together, for longer, than almost any other part of modern life. Nobody chose their seatmates, the space is fixed, and you can’t step outside to cool off. That makes small courtesies count for more than they do on the ground.

Most people already know this. When Expedia commissioned a survey of 1,005 U.S. travelers, conducted by GfK, rear-seat kicking topped the list of annoying behaviors, named by 64% of respondents, followed by inattentive parents (59%), passengers with strong odors or heavy fragrance (55%), and loud or drunk passengers (49% each). Nearly every item on that list is within our own control.

Boarding and the overhead bins

Most friction starts before takeoff. Board when your group is called. Crowding the gate area early doesn’t get anyone on faster and makes it harder for people with earlier groups to get through.

• Have your boarding pass ready before you reach the scanner, and step out of the aisle to sort out your bag and jacket.
• Use the bin near your own row. Putting a bag in row 5 when you sit in row 28 means someone in row 5 checks theirs at the gate.
• Wheels in first, one bag per person. Your personal item, the tote or backpack, goes under the seat in front of you.
• Offer a hand. Helping a shorter or older passenger lift a bag is one of the kindest things you can do in an aisle.
• Don’t stall the aisle while you settle in. Sit, then arrange headphones and snacks.

Reclining: the most argued-about seat button

Travelers are genuinely split. In the Expedia study, 53% said they recline when flying, while 35% said they dislike passengers who recline fully. Both groups have a point. The seat reclines because the airline built it to, but the space behind you belongs to someone else.

A reasonable compromise most etiquette guides land on:

Armrests, aisles and windows

There is no official rule, but a convention has settled in that most frequent flyers recognize: the middle seat gets both center armrests. The person in the middle has the least space and no wall or aisle to lean into, so the armrests are the consolation prize. The window passenger controls the shade, and it’s polite to ask before raising it while others sleep. The aisle passenger gets easy access, and in exchange should get up promptly when a seatmate needs out.

If you’re at the window, try to time your trips to the lavatory for when your row is already up. Climbing over a sleeping person is a last resort.

Noise, screens and smells

An airplane cabin is shared air and shared sound. Loud passengers bothered nearly half the Expedia respondents, so:

• Use headphones for every video, game and voice message. No exceptions for “just a quick clip.”
• Keep conversations at a volume your seatmate, not the row behind, can hear.
• Skip strongly scented foods such as tuna, eggs or heavily spiced leftovers, and go light on perfume or cologne.
• Keep shoes on unless your feet and socks are definitely fresh, and never put bare feet on armrests or bulkheads.
• Dim your screen on night flights.

Long flights are also when people go quiet to sleep off a time change. If you fly across many time zones, tools like the planners in All Things AI’s comparison of the best jet lag apps can help you decide when to sleep on board, which makes for a calmer cabin for everyone.

Flying with children

Babies cry on planes; that isn’t an etiquette failure. What fellow passengers notice is whether a parent is clearly trying. The “inattentive parenting” complaint in the Expedia survey is about adults, not toddlers.

• Pack quiet entertainment, snacks and child-sized headphones.
• Keep little feet off the seat in front. A seat-kicking child is the top complaint, and it’s usually fixable.
• Walk an unsettled baby in the aisle when the seatbelt sign is off.
• A brief, friendly word to neighbors (“we’ll do our best”) goes a long way. Goody bags for nearby passengers are optional.

And if you’re seated near a family: a sympathetic smile costs nothing. For more on raising travelers who mind their manners, see our guide to teaching kids manners.

Treat the crew with respect

Flight attendants are there primarily for your safety. Follow instructions the first time, press the call button for real needs, and say thank you when you disembark.

When disagreements escalate, the consequences are serious. The FAA notes that it can propose up to $43,658 per violation in unruly-passenger cases, that one incident can result in multiple violations, and that unruly passengers can also face criminal prosecution. Reports peaked in 2021, when the FAA logged 5,981 unruly-passenger reports, about 72% of them mask-related. The FAA says the rate has dropped by more than 80% since those highs, but it still sees incidents.

Deplaning: the last test

The unwritten rule is simple: rows leave in order, front to back. Stand when it’s your row’s turn, grab your bag, and move. If you have a tight connection, ask the people around you before landing whether you can go ahead, rather than pushing past in the aisle. Most passengers will happily make way when asked.

Before the trip, it also helps to have your boarding passes, maps and translations downloaded so you aren’t holding up the line hunting for signal. All Things AI has a practical guide to using your phone offline while traveling.

Heading abroad? Read up on local customs in our cultural etiquette guide and check how tipping works in other countries.